I feel as though I need to write this because a lot of things have changed since I left college and, to be honest, if I don't write this it will just get more and more on my nerves thinking about it and it'll fester and all that jazz.
Basically I failed my A Levels. I failed them badly because I took the mick and skipped my way through college and the majority of my lessons. This meant that I could only stay on at college if I chose a course I wasn't interested in and the only reason I wanted to go back was for the people anyway. I decided to pass on the offer of several other subjects and get an apprenticeship instead. My official job title is "Apprentice Business Administrating Director's PA" (It's so long winded) at an outside broadcasting company - they film the football matches for Sky Sports and stuff - called Cloudbass (pronounced "...base") Multimedia Ltd. I have met so many new people who I see and chat to on a daily basis unlike the majority of the college friends I had previously made.
I'm coming to realise that the people I once thought I'd never lose contact with are the people who caused me the most issues. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm in no way saying that I regret meeting these people at all, we've had some amazing memories but I don't think there is one person in the group who likes everyone anymore. We all have a problem with at least one person. For some, a lot more. I keep in contact with Jack and Keisha regularly but that's all. I'm just not close to anyone else anymore. I don't really know them either and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I once knew them but we've all grown and changed in ways that not everyone will connect with. Everyone was bound to grow and change without me knowing anyway because I wasn't there to grow and change with them. I had to do that somewhere else, with different people, in a different environment. A lot of people don't understand me anymore but that's only because I've grown up in a different way.
I have my fair share of differences with so many people in the group just because they've tried to force their negative opinions of my relationship onto me. I will never have the same views on it as them because I see what he is like behind the closed door and the armour and that other mean, sarcastic stuff he hides behind. Everyone is so wrapped up in what happened between us in the past but the way I see it is, if I'm looking forward in my relationship why are you guys looking in the past? I'm not bothered by what happened so why are you? I know some of them are trying to help and are worried but I want to be able to make MY decisions about MY relationship for MYself. We've been together a year, me and Kyle, and since I left college we couldn't be happier. Yet I still got hate on Ask.fm for being with him and trying to split us up and people in the group got the same hate to try and make THEM split us up. If you have that big a problem, please just say it to me and be done with it?
2015 is like three weeks away from today or tomorrow or something and I intend on staying the way I am because this whole "New Year, New Me" crap never sticks for anyone. I like the way I am right now and if anyone has a problem with it then that's all it's going to stay. Their problem, not mine.
The amount of people who have a problem or a negative opinion about me is ridiculous yet so many of them don't know anything about me anymore. Don't get all up in someone's grill if you're not invited to the BBQ.
I have nothing else to say other than if you grow apart from someone, that isn't anyone's fault. It's just the way the flow goes so if someone blames you for it, it's more than likely that they still have a lot of growing up to do. I'm not going to apologise for who I am or what I've become or whatever.
I understand that reading this blog will probably sound really aggressive and angry but it's not supposed to. I'm actually fairly chilled about it all to be honest.
P x
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